What is your Number 1 priority or goal this Year?
- What was your Number 1 priority or goal last year?
- Did you accomplish it? If so, how were you able to do so?
- Did you fail? If so, what was the reason for your failure?
(I challenge you to read no further until you have this questions answered)
Personally, my only goal this year is Consistency, but I also would love a good relationship. Beginning of this year, I told myself I wanted to be more intentional about dating. Not as intentional as creating a list of qualities I want in a wife (See 4 Things I Learned from being single), but more so internally becoming the man, boyfriend, and husband God called me to be to my future spouse.
So I came up with a list of questions I needed to ask myself before I even began to date, and I thought it would be cool to share.
This post may not be for everybody. Single people might enjoy this post the most but the overall theme of intentional focus is key for anyone striving to make this the best year of their life.
Note: Please don’t forget to join the conversation in the comment section, would love to hear from my married and folk who are in a relationship.
BUT, before I get to my points I just wanted to share 3 Quick Things I learned about dating last year.
My 3 Quick 2015 Dating Epiphanies
- Never go to Dinner on First Date. Best Choice: Coffee Shop. |Why Greg?
- If you’re at Dinner You can’t leave when you want
- It can get pricey when the conversation is only truly worth a Grande Frap
- Dinner is reserved for close friends and people you would generally like to eat with not a person you are unclear if you could carry a 10-minute conversation with
- The Movies, Concerts, House, are all OFF LIMIT for dates 1 through 3. |Why Greg?
- You can’t talk at movies or concerts, so how are you going to connect and get to know someone.
- Those situations can get hot and heavy if in the house and can lead to things, feelings, etc., that your situation is not truly ready for.
- They should not know your address that early in the game. (Point. Blank. Period)
- Do not talk on the phone each day the week after the first date. |Why Greg?
Simple: It sets a false standard. I have done it time and time again when I would talk every day to a person then fall off the face of the earth. In my head, I was feeling someone out to see if we meshed. In reality, I was sending the wrong message. Which wasn’t fair for the person involved. Pace yourself and give each other an opportunity to deserve the everyday call.
3 Question To Consider BEFORE Dating
- Do I look like what I am looking for?
My Story: I wrote a blog post about a month ago about being single. I declared a grand list of all the qualities I wanted in a Wife. After almost 6 months of no luck I had an epiphany. I asked of all these things from a woman, but what did I ask of myself? Do I have a list for me?
Example: I said non-negotiable was a Christian woman.
But my actions said I wanted otherwise.
- I was Netflix and chilling
- I was allowing women to spend the night over my house
- I was drinking after midnight at people’s houses where I had no business being
Please Note: Dont get the wrong idea. I wasnt wiling in these streets but I did put myself into some bad predicaments with this behavior.
I wasn’t serious. I was looking for a relationship I wasn’t ready, nor did I deserve to get. Until I limited my drinking, got more involved with the church, and created new ground rules for myself, that virtuous woman was not going show up. Which is why I am currently working on becoming a better brother, a better son, and a better servant of the L ord, which will make me the boyfriend, the husband, the father my future family needs to be.
Translation to life:
Don’t ask for anything you are not ready to receive. – Greg E. Hill –> Click to Tweet
If life was to give you the career, the car, the woman, the man, the money you wanted, you may not be able to keep it. So instead put your focus on managing your money better, treating the relationships you have better, investing in your career, so when the time comes you are ready.
- Do I have the time?
My Story: At one point last year I spoke (via text) to 5 females every day. I was NOT dating them, or looking for a relationship, they were just female friends. They were all across the country so I thought no big deal. But as the year progressed I noticed the majority of them were angling for something more. Then it got to a point where everyone wanted something more. The stress of not being able to tell them I wasn’t interested waned on my energy. Every text, every call begin to drain me.
Translation to life: A lot of people say this year I am focusing on myself. Yet, they are consistently on social media saying and doing things with no intentions. They are not attending any new conferences, reading any new books, and meeting no new people. They are doing the same thing they were before they started focusing on themselves except dating… and expecting new results. From personal experience, I have observed that simply won’t work.
My Question to you: What does focusing on me look like for you? What does a day look like when you’re focused on your dreams, hopes, and aspiration? I challenge you to write down what a focused day, week, month looks like where the only thing you are focused on is you. Declaring it online and to your friends is not enough.
- Do I have the money?
My Story: There was a 2-month stretch where I spent almost $1000 dollars on dates. And trust I am not taking anybody to Ruth Cris. Anybody that asked me to hang out I said yes. Even times when I had no agenda. I had things to do, but I figured I need to live life and who knows. That casual attitude to dinner, drinks, etc led to many calls to my home girl Jas complaining about money. I felt like every night was like this:
(Full hilarious article here First Date NoMas *5 min read)
Confession: This was me all of 2015. I am chivalrous I promise and I never argued about splitting the bill but best believe it played out in my head like that.
Now any time a female ask for time, dinner, or lunch, I ask myself, Is this a:
- Business Meeting
- Are we catching up
- Are we real friends:
If the answer is no or If I am unclear, I will deny. Period. Everything I do this year is with crystal clear clarity. Because if not my time, energy, and WALLET will pay the price for my lack of clarity.
Translation to Life: Have you created a budget, and if so, does it have the room for dating. Remember your #1 goal and priority. Don’t push dating to the front of your finances if that means other things must suffer. If someone is right for you, there should be no problem discussing money. Because as relationships deepen and money is not addressed it will only lead to bigger problems down the line.
Question for You: What area in life are you lacking clarity? You may think delaying it or not asking questions is not hurting anyone. What are you afraid of?
Big Takeaway: I don’t encourage you to be single this year. Cause I certainly don’t plan on being that. But youre Energy, Time and Focus are Critical to your success.
Don’t waste energy on dating, invest it into thriving. And I guarantee you will find and be ready for the person of your dreams. – Click to Tweet
Question: What is One Thing You learned about yourself from Dating?