4 Life Lessons I have learned from being Single

I am 26, I am single, and I am here to tell you…Being single is NOT cool, especially when you’re over 25.

I know there will be a lot of people that disagree with that statement and their typical argument is:

  1. You need time to enjoy your twenties
  2. You don’t know what you want until you’re 30
  3. I am focusing on my career and I’ll start when I get to where I need to be

The scary thing is, most of us are using similar excuses when approaching our life goals.

Please don’t be alarmed this isn’t an article about dating or finding love but I hope to share at least one thing from my journey as a single man that could help you achieve a breakthrough in your life or future relationship.

This post is for married and single folk alike so please don’t let the title scare you. I also want feedback from the married folk specifically to my Point #4.

 


4 things I have learned from Being Single

  1. Get Crystal Clear On What You Want

My Story: For the last few years I have been on numerous dates. Half of those dates were doomed from the start because I felt no connection with the person and honestly didn’t know how to say “no”. The other quarter had outrageous red flags.

Red Flag Examples:

  • Replies hours and sometimes days after you contact them (with read receipts!)
  • Consistently lead you to behavior that is not typical of who you are (Drinking, Gossiping, Feeling inadequate)
  • You want a girl who is active in the church, yet this girl rarely studies or attends worship

All of which, I ignored because of what my “feelings” told me. The other 25% were great people that I just wasn’t ready for or they just weren’t my type (we will get to that later).

BINGO

I never clearly defined what my “type” was. So after talking with my life coach I wrote a Wife Qualities list.

Wife

*They don’t have to possess all of these but it does help quantify what I am looking for. To download the full list click here (Revamped Wife Qualities List)

Translation to Life: You will not reach your goal until you get CRYSTAL CLEAR on what you want or at least the next step and eliminate everything that is not in line with the goal. If you don’t know what you want you will never receive what you want.

  1. You Cannot Be Passive or they will play that ish BACK TO BACK

*Note: One moment of passiveness can end a career

My Story: I grew up a very shy kid. I never had Jordan’s, Fubu clothing, or the things cool kids in grade school had. I got by because I was always tall for my age and I was pretty funny. I didn’t get my first girlfriend let alone a kiss until 11th grade (They only love you after the braces, and dark skin was not “In” until high school). Being that I was a late bloomer I never naturally developed the confidence to approach women and I fear rejection. 90% of my life I only dated women that came on to me. And that’s scary. I know if I keep this up I could probably miss out on someone who really could change my life.

Translation to Life: You have to GO after what YOU want. Period. Or accept what life gives you.

Imagine you were an actor: Which mindset do you think would aid you in your career?

Actor: Man nobody is giving me a shot, I have been auditioning for 3 years and haven’t broken through

What if you shifted your mindset to..?

Actor: Every week outside of my auditioning schedule I will shoot a short film with my friend and upload it to my website. After 3 years he would have over 150 videos showcasing my ability, my growth, and creativity which would probably create some more traction for my career than 3 years of “Just auditioning and complaining”. Think creatively about how you can get what you want.

Your dreams can’t run off of thoughts and ideas. Its only fuel is Action- Unknown

 

  1. Expose the Truth

My Story: I admit to once being the worst type of guy; one who dates for years without making any commitments. Sadly the bad habit stemmed because I truly was not “all in” with the person from the beginning. As soon as I realize that I don’t see them that way, I need to be clear. The same token can be used with communicating your dreams, needs, and desires to your future mate.

Translation to Life: We all truly know what is in the way of us achieving our goals. You know why you are not losing weight, or why you are not hustling enough to get your dream job, or why you are not getting the grades you deserve. The longer you ignore the truth, the longer and farther your goals and dreams slip away. It’s time to expose the lie, friend, or habit for what it is and work to claim your destiny.

  1. Acknowledge & Embrace YOUR Season

My Story: Last month I thought I really turned the corner. I told myself that now is the time for me to get into a serious relationship. I started planning dates, planned on being consistent, and I was going to show the world and my future wife the new and improved Greg. Only problem is that I have a full time job, studying full time for the GMAT, prepping for a Podcast Launch, and actively committed to the youth department in my church. I also go to bed at 10pm. My heart is in the right place but this is not the season for a relationship just yet.

Note: That doesn’t mean I am not open to it, but would have to develop a strong friendship for now

Translation to Life:  Every season of your life is not going to be remarkable. Your job might not be your dream job. You might not generate the excitement OR sales you thought from your first business. You may not get the promotion or the grade you thought you deserved. Do not waste time discouraged, embrace the season and know that the things you are learning are preparing you to get the dream job, create a million dollar business, or graduate from school. I know its common advice but your team can’t go undefeated each year.

Example:

Golden State Then

GWrecord

Golden State was the laughing stock of the NBA finishing near the bottom of the western conference.

Which allowed them to get… Steph Curry in 2009.

Golden State Now

warriors2

NBA Champion and  Currently 18-0


Big Takeaway

Everyone started with 0 followers.

Repeat.

Everyone started with 0 followers.

You’ve got to EMBRACE the floor because without it you will never reach the ceiling- Greg E. Hill

 

Question for my single people: What is one thing being single has taught you about life?

Question for my people in a relationship: What is one thing being in a relationship has taught you about life?

Question for my married people: What is your BEST advice for finding the right person?

 {Answer Below in the comments by clicking here.}

 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.